I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I love having hate sex.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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