he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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