Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
