I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
