You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
