Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
