she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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