I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
