i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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