Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
