he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
