So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
