it hurts more in the daytime
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
