you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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