She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
