Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
