Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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