I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
