I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
