Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Buhtt sex?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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