So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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