cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
