Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
