I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
