is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
