the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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