is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
