We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
