Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
