I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
