i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You pole danced in your parka.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
