Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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