This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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