And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
