I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
