im having a threesome with these popsicles
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
