just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
