Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
