420 ftw
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
