Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
