You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
