We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
