Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
All I want is dick and wine.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
