Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
