you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
