dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
