I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
