we have pet lesbian snakes
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
