She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
