Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
