i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
