Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I touched a dick in church today
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
