Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
