Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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